Nih ada spoofs lagi! Cumaaa disatuin aja ya! Ini saya co-pas dari aljihad99.blogspot.com. Sekali lagi post ini hanya untuk memudahkan pencarian Anda saja.




TREE GORILLA

A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon serviceman arrived with a stick, a cihuahua (a rabbit-size breed of dog), a pair of handcuffs, and a shootgun. “now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner.” I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained cihuahua will then go right for his,
uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap on the handcuffs.”
“got it,” the homeowner replied. “But what’s the shootgun for?”

“if I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said,” shoot the cihuahua.”

sumber: Cn’S English Magazine Vol.2 No.11



APPRENTICE

A prominent lawyer’s son dreamed of following in his father’s footsteps.After graduating from college and law school with honors,he returned home to join his father’s film,intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney. At the end of his father’s office,and said, “father,father the Smith case,which you always said would go on forever–the one you have been toiling on for ten years–in one single day,I settled that case and saved the client a fortune”

His father frowned,and scolded him,” I didn’t say that it WOULD go on forever,son. I said that it COULD go on forever,When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, Didn’t it ever occur to you that I was being paid by the hour?

sumber : Cn’S English magazine vol 8 No.61



NASTY BUG

Every night,Harold would go down to the liquor store,get a six pack,bring it at home and drink it while he watched TV.One night as finished his last beer.the door bell rang.he stumble to the door and found six foot cockroach standing there.The Bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room,and left.

The next night,after he finished his 3th beer,The door bell rang. He Walked slowly to the door ad found the same six foot cockroach standing there.The big bug punched him in the stomach,then left.

The next night,after he finished his 1st beer,the door bell rang again.the same six foot cockroach was standing there. this time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain.Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Harold didn’t drink at all.The doorbell rang.The cockroach was standing there.the bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Harold went to see his doctor.He explained events of the preceding four nights.”What can I do? he pleaded.

“not much”the doctors replied. “There’s just a nasty bug going around.”

http://www.funnystory.com



LOST AND NEVER FOUND



My dad is a golf freak. Since he likes to ask me to accompany him playing golf, I’m getting crazy about it, too. Besides playing it, I also like to join golf tourments. in the last tournament i joined, some thing embarssing happened to me.

In the middleof the game, my ball landed in a mud pond. not wanting to give up, I approached the pond and tried to find the ball with my club. After about five minutes. I still couldn’t find my ball, but worse, i couldn’t pull out my club. it seemedto be stuck on something. I waded into the pond and groped around with my hand, trying to find the ball. Then igave up! I got out of the pond and found out that i hadn’t only lost my ball and my club, but also my shoes. I was very embarassed because all the people were watchung.!

Magazine : C’NS


THE TROUBLE MAKER


while visiting a country school, the chairman of the board of education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making the next room.

Angrily, he opened the door ang grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of thetalking. He dragged the boys to the next room and stood him the corner.

A few minutes later , a small boy stuck hi head in the room and pleaded,” Please,sir,may we have our tacher back?”



FEROCIOUS LION


Bert was Tellinh his friend justin about his safari trip in Africa. “….. i came face to face with a ferocious Lion. He was snarling, showing mw his long sharp teeth.he was literally salivating at seeing me. man! I’d never been so scared before.”

” wow! I am glad i wasn’t in your shoes! so what happened next? did you shoot him?”

“No, I didn’t have my gun with me.”
“you didnt?oh man!that was really dumb.”

“Yeah, it was so stupid of me. Anyway,there I stood alone, without a gun. The Lion crept closer and closer and closer… and I …”Bert stooped and heaved a deep sigh. Impatiently, justin cried,”Come on, man! what did you do?

“His pal shrugged his showders and said, “what could I do? I moved on to the next cage.”

Source : C’Ns magazine

OH BOY


My 2-year-old nephew and I were queuing at a cashier in a department store when he tugged at my shirt with awful look on his face.

I asked him what was wrong and he very loudly said,”I think the lady in front of us farted,cause her butt stinks!”Everyone around us heard it.

I was so ashmed. I apologized to everyone,especially to the lady in front of me,and then pretended that I had forgotten something so we could just get uot of there quickly!!!



Sumber:CNS english Magazine vol.4 No.29


BEAUTIFUL ME

i like teasing my sister, one day. when she was busy cramming for exams, i wore my mom’s earinng and put on her lipstick and started to tease my sister, i kept on teasing her until my mom yelled at me “Catur, leave your sister alone! you’d better go to the gas station to fill the tank of your dad’s motorcycle”

so off i went to the gas station . strangely, the people there were friendler than they usually are. they all smiled at me some of them laughed together.

on my way home, i saw my sister so asked her, “hey sis is there something wrong with me.?
it seems that everyone is so friendly and today. they all smiled and laughed at the gas station ”
my sister, suddenly burst out laughing and said “of course they were . you’re still wearing mom’s lipstick and earings”

“what?? Gosh!” i rode home in a hurry.

Source : Magazine Cool n Smart



BEST IN THE LAND


A group of hikers are led through the US wilderness by a guide . on the third day, the hikers notice that they have been traveling in circles.
“we’re lost” one of the men complaints .
“i thought you said you were the best guide in the United States.”
“I am” the guide answer,
“but i think we may have wandered into Canada”


HUMAN BOWLING BALL


My schoolmates and i went alley. This was the first time i went bowling, so i tried several different techniques. One of them was running into the lane, which seemed to work for me. I used the techniques several times and i got good score. But i what didn’t realize was that at a certain poin the lane was very slippery because the floor was greased to help the ball go down the lane. I ran past the poin and ended up falling on my butt. Both my feet flew from under me and i slid halfway along the lane.

Source: CNS Magazine


Investigating a Terrible Accident

In a terrible accident there were no survivor except a monkey.Since there were no witnesses,the police could not determine. A last,they turned the monkey.Because the monkey seemed able to respond with gestures,the police officer decidedto interrogate.it

“what were the people doing on the bus?”
The monkey shakes his head in a disapproving manner and a starts dancing around, meaning a people were dancing and having fun”OK, but what else were they doing?”

The monkey take his hand to his mouth as if holding a bottle. “Oh! they were drinking, Huh?! OK, were they doing anything else?”

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, mimicking singing.
The chief loses his patience, “if they were having such a great time, who was driving the bus then?”

Saya akui dengan rendah hati bahwa artikel spoof disini saya co-pas dari www.englishdirection.com, karena jujur saja saya belum mampu membuat spoof text sendiri. Spoof text ini hanya untuk membantu memudahkan pencarian Anda.



One day Abu Ali went to the fair, and bought nine donkeys. He rode home on one of them the rest of the donkeys followed behind.

After a while Abu Ali said to himself, “I must make sure all my donkeys are here.” And he turned round to count them.

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Oh! Where’s number nine?” Abu Ali cried
He jumped down from his donkey. He looked behind the rocks and behind the trees. But there was no donkey to be seen.

“I’ll count them again,” Abu Ali said. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Oh, he must have come back.”

So Abu Ali climbed back on to the donkey and trotted away. After a while he counted his donkeys again. He counted only eight! Once more he looked behind the rocks and behind the trees. But there was no donkey to be seen.

“I will count again,” he said, and this time there were nine.

Just then Abu Ali saw his friend Musa walking along the road.
“Musa,” he called. “Help me to count my donkeys. I keep losing one. When I stop to count I have only eight, but when I get down looking for the ninth, there he is again!”

“Well, I can see ten donkeys, Abu Ali,” laughed Musa. “And the tenth donkey’s name is Abu Ali”

Saya akui dengan rendah hati bahwa artikel spoof disini saya co-pas dari www.englishdirection.com, karena jujur saja saya belum mampu membuat spoof text sendiri. Spoof text ini hanya untuk membantu memudahkan pencarian Anda.





Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$80,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."



The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone is???!!!"

Saya akui dengan rendah hati bahwa artikel spoof disini saya co-pas dari www.englishdirection.com, karena jujur saja saya belum mampu membuat spoof text sendiri. Spoof text ini hanya untuk membantu memudahkan pencarian Anda.





Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.

Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.

“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.

The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone.

Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”

Saya akui dengan rendah hati bahwa artikel spoof disini saya co-pas dari www.englishdirection.com, karena jujur saja saya belum mampu membuat spoof text sendiri. Spoof text ini hanya untuk membantu memudahkan pencarian Anda.



A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

No", replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"

"No", replied the Managing Director.
"Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

Labil. Itulah pendapat penulis untuk menggambarkan keadaan cuaca akhir-akhir ini dimana tiap sebentar-sebentar turun hujan, tunggu sekitar 5 menit kemudian hujan akan berhenti, lalu 15-20 menit kemudian turun lagi hujan yang cukup deras.


Keadaan cuaca seperti ini, membuat kita merasa nyaman dibawah selimut dan berlama-lama di kasur serta membuat kita berlambat-lambat pergi ke sekolah. Apalagi hampir setiap pagi dihiasi mendungnya awan kelabu dengan suhu yang relatif cukup dingin untuk ukuran orang Asia Tenggara, khususnya orang Indonesia yang terbiasa dengan suhu sekitar 34 derajat Celsius.


Kedinginan dapat diatasi dengan mengenakan pakaian atau jaket yang tebal dan hangat namun tetap cukup ringan agar membuat kita tetap leluasa beraktivitas. Namun sebenarnya bukanlah rasa dingin yang menjadi ancaman terbesar bagi tubuh kita, tetapi keadaan cuaca yang sering berubah-ubahlah yang menjadi ancaman utama bagi kesehatan kita. Cuaca yang labil membuat sistem daya tahan tubuh kita melemah sehingga rentan sakit. Apalagi jika sekolah sobat belia sedang mengadakan acara besar seperti Bulan Prestasi, Expo, ataupun Gelar/Pentas Seni yang pastinya sangat menguras tenaga, mental, dan pikiran siswa, terutama bagi siswa yang menjadi pengurus OSIS & MPK.


Oleh karena itu usahakan untuk menjaga stamina dan kesehatan sobat belia, seperti dengan menjaga asupan nutrisi dan air untuk tubuh kita, waktu tidur yang cukup, mengenakan pakaian hangat, usahakan untuk tidak kehujanan saat di luar, selalu membawa mantel/jas hujan jika bepergian menggunakan sepeda motor, usahakan untuk menyempatkan diri untuk berolahraga meski di dalam ruangan, serta selalu berdoa pada Allah SWT agar selalu diberkahi kesehatan.


Sekalipun sobat belia terlanjur sakit, istirahatlah yang cukup di rumah, jangan terlalu dipaksakan untuk masuk ke sekolah, nanti salah-salah malah karugrag alias kambuh lagi penyakitnya. Jadi sobat belia jaga kesehatan ya di cuaca yang labil ini, tetap semangat meski kadang-kadang cuaca tidak bersahabat!!!

(Dimuat di koran Harian Umum Pikiran Rakyat (sisipan Belia) edisi 22 Januari 2013)

Di tengah asyiknya melihat acara Fox Crime dan NGC, ada diskusi yang lebih tepat disebut ‘ngobrol ngalor-ngidul’ selama 7 menit bersama kakak ipar saya saat liburan semester 1. Di kesempatan itu saya bertanya apa bedanya SNMPTN Tulis dan Undangan, berhubung mulai tahun 2013 SNMPTN Tulis tidak dilaksanakan penulis ingin mengulas sedikit mengenai Plus Minus SNMPTN Undangan dan Tulis. Bukan maksud sok tahu tapi beginilah info yang saya dapatkan.
Seleksi Nasional Masuk Perguruan Tinggi Negeri (SNMPTN) ini dibagi menjadi 2 jalur, terdapat SNMPTN Undangan dan SNMPTN Tulis, pertama mari kita bahas terlebih dahulu mengenai SNMPTN Undangan.

SNMPTN Undangan


SNMPTN jalur Undangan ini dilihat dari nilai rapor semester 3-5 (semester 1 kelas XI – semester 1 kelas XII) harus progresif, yang artinya setiap semester, nilai-nilai mata pelajaran (terutama Matematika, Fisika, Kimia, Biologi, B.Indonesia, B.Inggris) harus naik, tidak boleh turun, minimal konstan/tetap. Biasanya juga dilihat dari urutan ranking kelas (akan lebih bagus lagi jika kita berada di urutan top ten atau top three).
Plus:

Terjadi pemerataan pelajar
Pelajar dari daerah mendapat kesempatan dan celah untuk kuliah di PTN favorit yang rata-rata berada di kota besar. Contoh: ITB (Bandung), UI (Jakarta), UGM (Yogyakarta).

Minus:

Menghambat siswa yang memiliki kemampuan yang tinggi

Rank kelas, menurut penulis adalah hal yang bersifat subjektif. Mengapa? Karena itu sangat dipengaruhi berbagai hal, seperti akreditasi sekolah, guru pengajar, lingkungan, dan kemampuan siswa itu sendiri. Jika Anda belum mengerti, mari penulis jelaskan. Misalnya di suatu SMA Abjad yang memiliki akreditasi A (Amat Baik) terdapat kelas X, W, Y, dan Z. Nah, siswa penghuni kelas Z adalah siswa yang memiliki kemampuan di atas rata-rata, satu level lebih tinggi dari siswa dari kelas W dan Y. Sedangkan para siswa kelas X ini dinilai kurang dibanding dengan kelas W, Y, dan Z. Pada saat akhir semester diumumkanlah para top three dari masing-masing kelas.


Dari kelas Z : Jati (1), Rina (2), dan Toni (3)

Dari kelas Y : Andin (1), Yudith (2), Sandi (3)

Dari kelas W : Novi (1), Sela (2), Musa (3)

Dari kelas X : Sarjang (1), Nani (2), Wati (3)


Nah, jika dilihat dari sudut pandang SNMPTN Undangan, Jati, Andin, Novi, dan Sarjang adalah setara, tetapi jika dilihat dari kemampuan hasilnya dapat berbeda. Tetapi hasilnya akan berbeda jika mereka mengikuti SNMPTN Tulis.


Sekarang mari kita bahas tentang SNMPTN Tulis


Plus


Biaya lebih murah karena mendapat subsidi dari pemerintah
Soal tidak pernah bocor
Berbeda sekali dengan UN (SNMPTN Tulis = soal banyak, waktu sedikit)(UN = soal tidak terlalu banyak, waktu melimpah)
Tingkat kecurangan yang sangat minim (inget, soal dibuat oleh para Rektor dari berbagai PT di seluruh Indonesia)
Benar-benar merupakan uji kemampuan diri

Minus


Kurangnya pemerataan pelajar, siswa dari pelosok daerah dengan fasilitas minim sulit bersaing dengan siswa dari daerah yang memiliki sekolah dengan fasilitas lengkap.
Siswa dari pelosok daerah juga sulit untuk dapat menerima pendidikan serta pengajaran yang dicita-citakan.

Sekarang, SNMPTN Undangan kuotanya jadi 100%, nanti nantinya pihak PTN akan mengadakan UMBPTN (Ujian Masuk Bersama Perguruan Tinggi Negeri) kepada 40% siswa (mengenai siswa dengan kriteria apa saja yang harus mengikuti UMBPTN ini aku juga kurang tau tapi feeling-ku sih 40% itu adalah siswa dengan nilai terendah dari kuota 100% itu).


Tapi bagiku pribadi, lebih baik SNMPTN Tulis kuotanya menjadi 100%, jika aku tidak lulus, lebih baik nganggur 1 taun buat persiapan yang lebih mantep jadi nanti biar gampang juga ngikutin kelas pas kuliahnya, syukur-syukur dapet beasiswa ke luar negeri dengan beasiswa yang full.


Setelah membaca post ini saya harap Anda meninggalkan komentar, entah Anda setuju atau tidak, atau menambahkan informasi lain pada saya. Terima kasih.



Sumber gambar: http://toenassemarang2012.blogspot.com/2012/02/cara-mendaftar-snmptn-undangan-2012.html

Trofi dan plakat dari berbagai ukuran dan bentuk memenuhi ruang lobby SMA N 1 Kota Sukabumi. Entah berapa banyak gelar yang telah diraih para siswa The Leading School ini dari bidang akademik maupun non-akademik.



Karena banyaknya trofi, plakat, serta berbagai penghargaan lainnya tidak memperoleh tempat di lobi maka timbul berita yang mengabarkan bahwa akan dibangun sebuah museum yang khusus dibangun untuk memajang berbagai penghargaan yang telah diraih oleh para warga SMANSA. Tetapi kabar itu pun perlahan mulai mengabur dan seperti kabut di pagi hari yang sirna diterpa cahaya mentari.



Namun, pada 12 Desember 2013 lalu, penulis melihat 2 buah gambar bangunan modern yang diupload oleh Bapak Ujang Kosasih yang merupakan salah satu staf pengajar di SMA N 1 Sukabumi di grup jejaring sosial Facebook yang bernama KELUARGA BESAR SMA NEGERI 1 (SMANSA) KOTA SUKABUMI. Dalam keterangan gambar, diketahui bahwa bangun tersebut merupakan gambar rancangan Museum Prestasi SMANSA hasil karya para alumnus SMANSA menjelang perayaan Golden Year SMANSA. Satu gambar menampilkan rancangan wajah depan Museum Prestasi yang akan dibangun kelak. Gambar lainnya menunjukkan interior bagian dalam museum.







Rancangan wajah depan serta interior dalamnya telah ada, namun kapankah Museum Prestasi SMANSA tersebut dapat direalisasikan?


www.ikomsmansa.org
www.expo.ekomsmansa.org